Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i wish my penis had a tongue
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
