Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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