Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
