She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
