my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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