I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
