This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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