The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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