Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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