Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
