she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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