They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
