I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
