i need an iv and a liver transplant
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
