He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
