you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
