My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
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