theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
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We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
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I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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