Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
