I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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