it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize