in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
