Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
