oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
