C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
