one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
