I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize