i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
