Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
