You're my little dorito
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
