I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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