Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we're making bets on your personal life
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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