now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
