Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
