hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm both gender and math confused
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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