I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
