I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
