my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
