I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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