but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
