The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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