no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
