The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How does it feel to date your dad?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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