you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
