Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
