Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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