waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
