R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
