Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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