ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
