next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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