Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Randomize
