sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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