So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
