this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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