i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
