I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
