he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
