I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
