Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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