Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
