The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
my poor anus
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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