how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
